I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
