just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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