Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
