First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
