I don't remember. Are we still dating?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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