Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize