I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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