I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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