my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
