I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
