google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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