It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
