and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
