matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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