i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
