I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
