woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
