is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
