Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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