i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
