he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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