so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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