my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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