I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
