I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
