My liver just broke up with me...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
