Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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