i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I want a musical about memes.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
