When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
