i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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