david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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