my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
