Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
