Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
