so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
