the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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