Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
