I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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