The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Welp...herpes.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
