I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
