His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
