im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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