sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
