The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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