is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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