I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
