umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
