dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just had sex on a roof
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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