If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
