Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
