I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
