FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
im on a boat
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