I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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