My friends, they love my intelligence
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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