Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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