Yo dont text me then not text me
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
