You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
