So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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