I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
