How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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