I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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