I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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