i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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