i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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