I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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