I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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