Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
