Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
