Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
