i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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