I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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