I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
