Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
