Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
