so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
