I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
