I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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