If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
