the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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