everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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